The Blessing of an “Ours” Baby

I was approaching 40 years old. My husband and I had four children already – we each brought two from our previous marriage. My husband had had a vasectomy almost ten years prior. How could we even consider having a child together?

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

I wanted a child with my husband. We knew the odds were against us. But we chose to claim God’s promise and do our part to make it happen.

The doctor was frank. “You have less than a 50% success rate because of your age and the length of time since the original surgery. But I’ll do the surgery if you’d like.”

We agreed. It appeared to be successful. Two months later, I was pregnant. Three months shy of my 40th birthday, I delivered a healthy baby boy. Praise the Lord!

Nathan turns 12 years old today. He has been a complete joy to our family.  He is the common thread we all share. And he is the one child my husband and I can enjoy and raise without any outside influences.

Gayla, nathan

But having an “ours” baby is not for everyone. For some, it’s not even an option. And if you’re considering it, I don’t recommend doing it immediately after marriage. My husband and I were married five years before we began the process.

There are sacrifices to an “ours” baby. Many times, there is an age gap between an “ours” baby and other children. Vacations become harder to navigate when you’re planning activities for a wide range of ages. In addition, other children in the family can become sensitive to playing favorites with the “ours” child.

And of course, there’s another mouth to feed. Current statistics say it costs more than a quarter of a million dollars to raise a child to 18 years old. Add college expenses on top of that.  We currently have three children in college. We have put braces on five sets of teeth. We have paid for glasses or contacts for four of our five children. We have bought and insured a bunch of cars. And the list goes on.

But do I regret our decision of an  “ours” baby? Absolutely not.  The financial and personal sacrifices we have made can never outweigh the joy of the only child my husband and I share together. I will be forever thankful for our blessing, Nathan Cole Grace.

Do you have an “ours” baby? Are you hoping for an “ours” baby? Please share and I’ll be happy to pray with you about it.

Other Posts You Might Enjoy:

When God Says Wait

God’s Timing is Different Than Ours

Count Your Blessings

4 Responses to “The Blessing of an “Ours” Baby”

  1. 1 Sharon February 6, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    We had an “ours” baby right away and while there were some minor inconveniences, all our children cherish him and we found him to be the common link. Now, we’re expecting another and we’re sure he’ll be just as much of a blessing. Before our first baby together joined the family, it was nice that we could call on the other parents of our children to watch the kids and schedule some alone get aways, which we find much more difficult now, but even still, every baby is a gift and a blessing and we don’t find the other children jealous of him in anyway or that he is any greater expense even really. I do feel like the “common link” title can be a lot of pressure, so we certainly don’t play on that idea but there is something organically true about it nonetheless.

    • 2 Step Parenting with Grace February 6, 2013 at 8:07 pm

      Congratulations Sharon on the baby you’re expecting! I’m thankful to hear of your “ours” baby and another one on the way. Children are truly a gift and in a blended family, it’s an additional blessing to bring another one into the mix. Thank you for your comment. God bless you as you grow your blended family!

  2. 3 Tabitha February 18, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    Thank you for sharing this story with your readers. I have struggled with this topic ever since Jim and I got married. I did not think I wanted anymore children when Jim and I were planning on getting married. It wasn’t until after we were married that the feelings “appeared” about having a child together for me only. Jim also had a vasectomy about 8 years prior. He told me he did not want anymore children. My nagging feeling is surrounded by the fact that I will never have a child with someone that loves and cares about me and having a child within that type of relationship. (As you are aware, my previous husband was a very abusive person and the relationship was very toxic.) I feel as if I have to face this fact head on and embrace it because it will never change. I have to be honest – I do struggle with it. I don’t understand how Jim would not want to have a baby together. His main point is that we are almost done with raising our 4 children together and he does not want to start all over again and having our 4 is more than enough for him. There is a lesson to be learned in all of this for me – I just don’t understand it all yet. I fear that I may never learn why. It is definitely a cross for me to bear.

    • 4 Step Parenting with Grace February 19, 2013 at 1:55 am

      I’m sorry Tabitha — that’s a tough one to deal with. It seems to be more natural for a woman to want another child with her current husband and not as big an issue for the husband, particularly when it means another surgery for them as in your case and mine. I understand your longing and how difficult that must be for you. There are no easy answers and unfortunately, sometimes we don’t get to understand why. We simply must trust that God sees our pain and will help us work through our feelings if we ask Him to. Thank you for sharing. I’ll be praying for you. 🙂 Gayla

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