It’s been one year since my husband and I and our youngest son re-located to Louisiana. We left our home of 11 years and three kids behind in college in Conway, AR. Thankful for a fresh start after the company my husband worked for closed, we embarked on a new beginning with bittersweet feelings.
Within a few days of the move I was overcome with grief. Making it through the afternoon without a spell of tears became a rare event. I wrote about my feelings last August in my post, “Will You Trust Me?” Says the Lord.
Living in a different town than three of my children proved harder than I anticipated. Although two of them were already living on their own before we moved, I was accustomed to unannounced visits several times a week and lunch dates whenever our schedules allowed. The realization of how quickly our empty nest was approaching became a stark reality that seemed unbearable with only one child living in the same town with us.
Change is hard. And unwelcome change is even harder. I realized I had a choice: I could become better or bitter.
In her book, When I Lay My Isaac Down, Carol Kent writes of a change that forever altered her life as a parent. “This book is the story of two parents who received the devastating news that their remarkable son, a young lieutenant in the Navy, had committed a crime so unthinkable it was impossible to believe.” Their son was arrested and convicted for the murder of his wife’s ex-husband, the father of his two stepdaughters.
Kent describes the agonizing process she went through in coming to terms with the reality that her son, a graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy with an impeccable military record, murdered another man, and how she learned to cope with it. Her story doesn’t have a happy ending; her son is sentenced to life in prison. But Kent chooses to accept the unwelcome event that abruptly changed her future, and walk by faith to find purpose in her suffering.
Her emotional and spiritual agony brought her to a new understanding of faith: “I have found that the greatest power of faith lies not in how we think we might use it to conquer challenges we’re sure a loving God would not put in our path, but in how we live–with courage, passion, and purpose–in the midst of unresolved, and sometimes immovable, obstacles.”
As stepparents, we often live in the midst of unresolved, and sometimes immovable, obstacles. Change knocks on our door as an unwelcome visitor through custody battles, unending schedule modifications, parental alienation, or a variety of other difficult circumstances. But we can choose to live with “courage, passion, and purpose” as we face unwelcome change with a steadfast faith.
Oswald Chambers says, “Living a life of faith means never knowing where you are being led. But it does mean loving and knowing the One who is leading. It is literally a life of faith, not of understanding and reason–a life of knowing Him who calls us to go.”
I’ll never understand why God led my husband to a new job four hours away from three of our children. But I’m learning to accept the change and embrace God’s plan for my stepfamily, even if I don’t like it. I trust the One who is leading me and seek to face each day with hope through God’s strength.
What about you? What change has your stepfamily experienced and how did you cope? I would love to hear about it.