You Don’t Have to be Super StepMom

I was talking to a stepmom this week who is recently divorced.  She had two stepchildren and told of her struggle to be Super StepMom. But it didn’t matter how hard she tried, it didn’t change the difficult relationship with her stepchildren.

There are so many variables that influence what kind of relationship we have with our stepchildren. And many of those variables are beyond our control.
We can make every effort to be Stepmom of the Year but come to the end of the year with the same relationship we started at the beginning. But that doesn’t mean we have to accept the blame for the rejection.
During my stepson’s adolescent years, he found all kinds of reasons to dislike me. Some of them might have been legitimate, but most were unfounded. Regardless of how hard I tried to be a good stepmom to him, he rejected my efforts.
I have been married to my stepson’s dad for 16 years and after many difficult years, my stepson and I now have a good relationship. It isn’t because I became a different person toward him. It’s because he has matured into a young man who, at 21 years old, recognizes and appreciates the role I’ve played in his life.   
Did I want to quit being his stepmom during those adolescent years? Absolutely! Did I deserve the treatment I received? No! Am I thankful I didn’t walk away? Yes!
Acting as a Super StepMom doesn’t guarantee a good relationship with your stepchild, and usually results in unmet expectations. Consistent love over time, through the ups and downs of life, could be the difference. But regardless of your stepchild’s behavior, the only way you fail in this role, is if you quit.
Do you need to give up the role of Super StepMom and the expectations that go with it?
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2 Responses to “You Don’t Have to be Super StepMom”

  1. 1 Mari September 21, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    I don’t think you need to give up the Role of “Super Step-mom” if that is the goal you’ve set up for yourself, but you have to be aware that no matter how many efforts of being a “super stepmom” sometimes those efforts will not bare fruit, will be overlooked, or unappreciated.

    The key for me is to not give up like Gayla said. I am aware what I signed for and I love “my” little girls even though I didn’t give birth to them I CHOSE to make them mine and I choose to give them a Godly example everyday in every area of life. I chose to be their stepmom, I chose and choose everyday to have an impact in their lives. I chose to love them and I choose to renew that love everyday even with the challenges that come.

    I know they are not teenagers yet and those years will be the most challenging (I was a challenge myself to my own mom) so they will be harder battles in the horizon I will have to fight, but if in this forming years I pour all my love and don’t give up even when they act disrespectful or talk back and instead I correct them in love. I think that will set the tone for future battles. I won’t give up because the opportunity I’ve been given to have an impact into the life of two precious girls is a God given gift, they live with us so the amount of time I spend with them is a gift that I’ve not taken lightly.

    I am willing to honor that privilege, being able to have the power of impact somebody’s life is a privilege. So to all the stepmoms out there… Please don’t give up! This children are already hurting from their parents divorce and they may need more love and attention that you anticipated, but the reward of knowing that you were able to impact their lives in a positive way (even thought the reward is way down the road) I think is worth it and a gift from God.

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