Are you guilty of stinkin’ thinkin’ – do you know what it looks like?
Here are some examples:
– My stepchild will never like me so why do I bother trying to have a relationship with him/her?
– No one understands these feelings of rejection as a stepparent – I’m living on an island by myself.
– My husband has no idea how difficult this is – it’s useless to talk to him about it.
– Re-marriage is just too hard – looks like I’m headed for divorce again.
Have you had those thoughts? Can you list others? It’s easy to get tangled in a web of negative thinking about our blended family. But we can make a choice to think differently and have positive outcomes.
Well known poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “A man is what he thinks about all day long.” In other words, if we dwell on the negative parts of our life, every aspect of our being will reflect negativity.
But if we focus on the positive nuggets of our situation, we create positive surroundings for ourselves.
In his book, “The Power of Positive Thinking,” Norman Vincent Peale supports this thinking when he states, “Conditions are created by thoughts far more powerfully than conditions create thoughts. Think positively, for example, and you set in motion positive forces which bring positive results to pass. … On the contrary, think negative thoughts and you create around yourself an atmosphere propitious to the development of negative results.”
Conditions are created by thoughts far more powerfully than conditions create thoughts. I love that!
Dr. Peale is suggesting that we influence our situation with our thinking. So, if we want our stepchildren to respond positively toward us, we need to create that scenario in our head. When we think positively toward them and expect positive behavior from them, they will begin to respond that way.
Our demeanor reflects what we are thinking. When we have negative thoughts circling through our mind, we give off negative vibes toward those around us. Our stepchildren can feel our negativity and will react accordingly.
I’ve seen this happen with my own stepchildren. If I choose to dwell on negative thoughts toward them, I respond to them with an insensitive spirit and critical remarks. Even if I don’t say anything, my nonverbal language speaks volumes. They can sense my negativity and respond in anger or frustration.
On the other hand, if I choose to think positively toward them and my verbal and nonverbal language reflects a like demeanor, they feel loved and accepted. It’s easy for them to respond favorably toward a loving spirit.
Are you up for a challenge? Think only positive thoughts about your stepchildren and re-marriage today. If something negative creeps into your mind, turn it around and find a positive twist. See if it makes a difference. Leave a comment and let me know the results.
Will you make an intentional effort to focus on positive thinking with your stepchildren and re-marriage?