Do you ever think if you could simply understand why certain things happen, it would be easier to get on with life? I have begged God for explanations at times, wanting a logical answer as to what was happening and why. But instead, I find God saying, “You can trust what I’m doing through faith, even if you don’t understand it right now.”
I was thinking about the relationships between my two daughters and their father this morning. They have had very little contact with him for years as he lingered in and out of addiction, homelessness, and general dysfunction. They’ve bonded with my husband, referring to him as Dad, and allowing him to be a father to them. His stepparenting has provided unending love and nurturing for them during critical years.
But their birth father has re-entered the picture, wanting to be a part of their lives. I want to say, “It’s too late. Go away. We don’t need you around.” I don’t trust him or see how anything good can come of his intrusion in our lives. But I’m trying to allow my girls to determine the relationship they want to have with him.
It’s not easy. I want to detail the sacrifices I made to put him through medical school, only to watch him lose his medical license to addiction. I want to outline the expensive rehab centers he attended again and again, only to choose the bottle every time upon leaving. I want to complain about his disregard for financial help during the girls’ upbringing, only giving excuses and lies of when he’ll start helping.
But that’s not what my girls need. They know he’s been an absent figure during their childhood years and they know why. It’s now their choice to determine whether they will allow him to be part of their lives.
I wish I understood why he suddenly determined he deserves a significant role in their lives. I wish I understood why my girls have to go through yet another emotional entanglement as they sort through their feelings toward him.
But despite what I understand, I am confident God is in control and will work out the details of their relationships, without my help.